hypermobile spoonie

After very little sleep last night I've spent my day studying, cleaning and watching TV. Very chill and surprisingly productive. The surprise thing I've done today is watch old vlogs of mine. In 2012, at the height of my migraine drama I was receiving very little medical care, was on no medication to treat my debilitating pain, was stuck in medical limbo and spent most of my day crying. As I previously mentioned, I was stuck in a hole I felt I couldn't get out of. It was around this same time that I started vlogging. Recording candid videos on my laptop every day documenting mainly the lows and sometimes the highs of my life. My roller coaster. The videos have always been something I've done for myself, much like blogging. An emotional release. Many of my memories from around that time are clouded by the pain and darkness I was experiencing, but I've always known that that was one of the toughest times in my life emotionally. Until today I didn't know how toug...

Darkness. For a long time that's what I lived with day in and day out. At 16 it's hard to hear that the rest of your life will be filled with pain and suffering, that no one can fix you. I had friends, friends that didn't understand what I was going through, so I retreated and so did they. I can honestly say that I've never considered myself to live with depression, but this time was probably the closest I've ever come to it. I felt like I was stuck in a dark hole that I couldn't get out of. Even worse, I felt like no one even knew I was there. I was the happy girl, the smiley one, the 'I'm okay' one, the one you would never have guessed lives with chronic pain. And I still am. I still am all those things and yet more. I think when you first get given a life changing diagnosis you go through many stages until you get to acceptance, one of them often being feeling isolated and alone. And that's what I felt. I didn't know anyone in my situa...