Well today marks the day that my hip officially turns chronic. After doing this twice before, I'm not as scared/upset/angry/anxious/depressed as I thought I'd be. This time 3 months ago, I was first admitted to hospital with severe hip pain. About two weeks before that it all started. However that's not where my journey starts, it really started 18 years ago, the day I was born. Maybe even before that. I like to think that our lives are partly planned before we are born and that we have the power, not to change the obstacles we meet, but the end result, our destiny. I was born with Hyper-mobility Syndrome, and whilst it is yet to be formally diagnosed, my physio will quit her job if I don't get the diagnosis. I can tick off everything on the diagnostic list and more.
3 months ago, I left work at 11am after working in terrible pain for five hours. I'd just had my break and I drove 100 meters to the shops to get food because I couldn't walk. It was an awful day. I sat on the floor at work and cried whilst my manager found someone to cover my shift, then when I finally got to go home I sat in the car for 20 minutes trying to overcome the ridiculous amount of pain I was in. I couldn't even walk. Believe me, I have a high pain tolerance, after all, 2 years of chronic migraines and brain blur will do that to a person, but here I was, sitting in my car crying because I knew how much driving would hurt. Two hours later, I was in hospital. The moment I spoke to the doctor, I knew that this would be a long journey. I knew he didn't have a clue what was wrong with me, I didn't even know if he believed me. Today was a good day. I sang at the top of my voice on the drive to uni, I felt positive and even saw a rainbow, however at that moment I didn't realise that today was D-day if you like. I'm officially chronic status. A third thing to add to my list. My only hope now is diagnosis.
I however would be lying if I said that I haven't adopted a growing sense of panic over the past week or so, a panic I know all to well. I didn't panic at the 3 month mark with my migraines, I didn't really understand what it meant, I was still under the impression that it could be fixed. With my elbow I counted the days from injury to chronic status. And with every passing day, I became more panicked. I didn't want to add another type of pain to my growing list. I didn't want to be the person that thought that every ache she had would turn chronic. Even though it has. Eventually I became so panicked and so worried that the OT sessions for my elbow weren't doing anything except costing a lot of money, that I quit. There wasn't much else that she could have done. She was amazing. She helped me to be able to even get my arm out of a sling. She's one of the reasons I decided to study OT. However, it was time. I knew it and she knew it.
That's what I'm worried is happening now. I'm beginning to panic, to worry that my physio sessions aren't going anywhere anymore and that this will be the extent of my mobility for the rest of my life. But, this time I am determined to stick it out until there is literally nothing else they can do, until I have nearly all of my mobility back.
So congratulations to me! I'm officially chronic. Let's hope that I can turn it around though because this sucks. I'm determined not to let it get me down. Let's see how long it lasts.
BB :)
3 months ago, I left work at 11am after working in terrible pain for five hours. I'd just had my break and I drove 100 meters to the shops to get food because I couldn't walk. It was an awful day. I sat on the floor at work and cried whilst my manager found someone to cover my shift, then when I finally got to go home I sat in the car for 20 minutes trying to overcome the ridiculous amount of pain I was in. I couldn't even walk. Believe me, I have a high pain tolerance, after all, 2 years of chronic migraines and brain blur will do that to a person, but here I was, sitting in my car crying because I knew how much driving would hurt. Two hours later, I was in hospital. The moment I spoke to the doctor, I knew that this would be a long journey. I knew he didn't have a clue what was wrong with me, I didn't even know if he believed me. Today was a good day. I sang at the top of my voice on the drive to uni, I felt positive and even saw a rainbow, however at that moment I didn't realise that today was D-day if you like. I'm officially chronic status. A third thing to add to my list. My only hope now is diagnosis.
I however would be lying if I said that I haven't adopted a growing sense of panic over the past week or so, a panic I know all to well. I didn't panic at the 3 month mark with my migraines, I didn't really understand what it meant, I was still under the impression that it could be fixed. With my elbow I counted the days from injury to chronic status. And with every passing day, I became more panicked. I didn't want to add another type of pain to my growing list. I didn't want to be the person that thought that every ache she had would turn chronic. Even though it has. Eventually I became so panicked and so worried that the OT sessions for my elbow weren't doing anything except costing a lot of money, that I quit. There wasn't much else that she could have done. She was amazing. She helped me to be able to even get my arm out of a sling. She's one of the reasons I decided to study OT. However, it was time. I knew it and she knew it.
That's what I'm worried is happening now. I'm beginning to panic, to worry that my physio sessions aren't going anywhere anymore and that this will be the extent of my mobility for the rest of my life. But, this time I am determined to stick it out until there is literally nothing else they can do, until I have nearly all of my mobility back.
So congratulations to me! I'm officially chronic. Let's hope that I can turn it around though because this sucks. I'm determined not to let it get me down. Let's see how long it lasts.
BB :)
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