Yesterday was my dad's birthday and we took him out for dinner at a cute little 'French' restaurant. I say "french" because no one there spoke french haha. However it was a lovely looking place and I was actually pretty excited to go. However that changed. Let me just give you a little background on me and restaurants. I hate eating out, especially at places I have never been. Sure the little thai place up the road is fine or the fish and chip shop that we've already sussed out, but I don't even like eating at families or friends house because I'm always seriously worried about whether I'm going to have an allergic reaction. I get really anxious around food, apparent from when I'm home. And even when I am, if someone brings peanuts or starts cooking eggs I run into the counter. We don't have peanuts, peanut products or anything in our house because I'm severely allergic, however my parents don't mind the occassional poached egg. Which is fine by me because they know that in our house there are rules around food. No sharing plates, pans, knives or forks. You want jam on that toast? Get a new knife, not the one that you've had on your eggy plate. In fact, we only have dairy-free butter spread in our house. However, when I go to other people's houses, this rule doesn't apply. People just don't think about it, which I don't blame them for, it's exhausting always worrying if you're going to get sick off of what someone else has done.
For example, the other day I had an allergic reaction to my aunties bolognaise sauce. I am so sure it was the sauce I'd put a significant amount of money on it. However, I would never tell her! She'd be mortified. Also she seems to think the sauce was fine. However, people just don't think about what they are cooking their food in. They just do what they would at home and assume that it's fine, that's why she never has to know what made me sick. It doesn't help anyone, especially not be. It just makes me embarrassed.
Back to my story from yesterday. So we went out to eat at a french restaurant that I'd never been to. I lived in France for 3 months and so I know the cooking, what should have butter in it and what shouldn't. So I was actually pretty comfortable going there and looking at the menu and knowing what I should be able to eat. Which is rare for me, usually by the time the menu comes out I'm basically having a panic attack. Then they came back and said that everything except plain poached fish had clarified butter in it. So I told them I'd have the fish, even though I don't like fish. So here I was with both my parents staring at me, watching how I would react when all I want to do is crawl into a hole and cry! :( Instead, I had to pretend like everything was completely fine and keep drinking and chatting to my parents. Just goes to show that I actually have reasons to worry and not like eating at unknown places.
I've never actually talked to anyone about my food anxiety. There are days that I don't want to eat anything either, nothing looks good or I think it'll make me sick, or I've been sick and for the next couple of days I live on a diet of apples, rice and potatoes. Yum. I think that I should talk to someone about my food anxiety but I guess it's just always been apart of my life. Ahh! This chronic illness thing is way too complicated!
BB :)
For example, the other day I had an allergic reaction to my aunties bolognaise sauce. I am so sure it was the sauce I'd put a significant amount of money on it. However, I would never tell her! She'd be mortified. Also she seems to think the sauce was fine. However, people just don't think about what they are cooking their food in. They just do what they would at home and assume that it's fine, that's why she never has to know what made me sick. It doesn't help anyone, especially not be. It just makes me embarrassed.
Back to my story from yesterday. So we went out to eat at a french restaurant that I'd never been to. I lived in France for 3 months and so I know the cooking, what should have butter in it and what shouldn't. So I was actually pretty comfortable going there and looking at the menu and knowing what I should be able to eat. Which is rare for me, usually by the time the menu comes out I'm basically having a panic attack. Then they came back and said that everything except plain poached fish had clarified butter in it. So I told them I'd have the fish, even though I don't like fish. So here I was with both my parents staring at me, watching how I would react when all I want to do is crawl into a hole and cry! :( Instead, I had to pretend like everything was completely fine and keep drinking and chatting to my parents. Just goes to show that I actually have reasons to worry and not like eating at unknown places.
I've never actually talked to anyone about my food anxiety. There are days that I don't want to eat anything either, nothing looks good or I think it'll make me sick, or I've been sick and for the next couple of days I live on a diet of apples, rice and potatoes. Yum. I think that I should talk to someone about my food anxiety but I guess it's just always been apart of my life. Ahh! This chronic illness thing is way too complicated!
BB :)
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