When things don't go to plan

My formal. My elbow (with the corsage) has been broken for 4 weeks at this point. It was another 2 weeks before we knew what was going on.

Well I'm well and truly finished my first semester of uni, only seven to go! haha :)  As a celebration, my friend and I were meant to go out to a party last night, however she isn't 18 yet and no-one told us it was 18+ so I didn't want to leave her to find her own way home so we went into the city for icecream before heading home. All in all it was actually pretty good, because I know that I would have been super tired and sore today which would have made my babysitting job extremely difficult. Tonight however I'll be making up for it ;) My parents have gone out of town so I have a few friends coming over for a small party. Pizza, movies, drinks, that sort of thing. 

With my rock. At Pain Clinic 'graduation'.

Day 18: Do you think you've become a better person through being ill? Explain 

I have no way to move from my party plans to this so I'll just get going. I kinda answered this question in day 17 but I'll have another crack at it. Yes. I do think I am a better person because I am ill. However, I have always had chronic illnesses so I don't really know what I would have been like if I wasn't ill. Chronic pain in particular has taught me patience and compassion. Knowing when others around you are in pain, both physically and emotionally. To be honest, I can't really imagine my life without being chronically ill. Don't get me wrong, I don't like being 'sick', but it's just become such a big part of my life now. It's one of the reasons I am studying Occupational Therapy and I don't think that I would be where I am today without it. Yes life would be easier, that's for sure. I wouldn't be in pain all the time, which is also a serious bonus. I wouldn't spend hundreds, if not thousands of dollars on medical bills and appointments. And I wouldn't be the weird sick person in my family. BUT. Being chronically ill has taught me to be a better person and I am grateful everyday for the lessons and attributes it has taught me.

One of my favourite sayings from my faviourite book!

No one plans to get ill, to develop chronic pain or get cancer or whatever. Our plans are elaborate, yet simple. Have the perfect life with perfect health whilst working in the perfect job and having the perfect family. And yet for so many people, things happen in life that changes the plan. So you don't even know what will happen tomorrow, let alone in the future. I guess this is where the day 19 question comes into things...

Day 19: How do you feel about the future?
I am uncertain about the future. Before chronic pain I had all these amazing plans of what my life would look like, who I would be, but these all changed. I got to a point in my life where I stopped making plans for the future and just focused on each day that I was in pain. I was trying to remember a time when I wasn't in pain, a time when I felt normal. Then I started to recover. Not from pain, but from the severe anxiety and (possible) depression it brought me. Pain had brought up all these issues and feelings that I had buried down for years. Occasionally these still come up when I'm having an awful day. So rehab started and I began making plans for the future again. Then I hurt my elbow and the future plans stopped. Then after months and months of physical rehab, the mental rehab had to start again, this time by myself and I started to make plans again. Then my hip. That really crushed me. Suddenly, I was relying on others to do simple tasks for me. I couldn't do my chores or walk without someone else helping me. Whilst my physical rehab is well underway and will probably never stop now because of the damage that a lifetime of undiagnosed hypermobility has done, I'm not quite ready to start the mental rehab. Don't get me wrong, I have little plans for my future, like graduating from uni and working as an OT, but now my plans look different. They include physio, crutches, hand held massagers, pain killers, specialist appointments, flare ups and setbacks and even possibly a wheelchair. Now I have to think about the future, not because I want to, but because for my health, I have to. I'm optimistic about the future. That's what chronic pain has taught me. To be optimistic that life will get better, that I will be able to live a normal life and walk down the aisle at my own wedding. I don't know what the future may hold, but I do know that it will probably include chronic pain.

 

My graduation. Where the future begins.

My hip is flaring up now so I think it's time to hit the shower, heat packs and then bed before my friends come over.

BB :)